Bigfoot out

🚨 BREAKING NEWS: BIGFOOT QUITS EARTH 🚨
After centuries of hiding, Bigfoot has had enough. In a final act of frustration, he was last seen hitching a ride on an alien spacecraft, escaping humanity for good.
In a crude message scratched into tree bark, he cited “selfie sticks, 24/7 surveillance, and whatever the hell TikTok is” as his breaking point.
Eyewitnesses report he boarded the UFO muttering, “At least aliens respect privacy.” Meanwhile, the Loch Ness Monster is ghosting everyone, and the Mothman is considering therapy.

More updates as they abduct—uh, unfold. 👽👣 #BigfootGone #CantBlameHim
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